Why do we try so hard to be liked?

Maybe it starts small — saying “yes” when we mean “no”, staying quiet when we want to speak up. We call it “being polite,” “keeping the peace,” or “being a team player.” But over time, that quiet fear of being disliked becomes a habit… one that quietly erases who we really are.

This blog is for anyone who’s ever felt trapped by the need to please — and is finally ready to choose courage over comfort.

Introduce

Ruby:

Hey everyone! Welcome back to English Podcast with Ruby.

We’re so glad you’re here with us today!

Tim:

And I’m Tim. Thanks for joining us!

Ruby:

Let’s begin with just one question:

What if being disliked… was actually a sign of growth?

Tim:

Mm. What if it meant you were finally living by your own values — not someone else’s expectations?

Ruby:

That’s what today’s episode is all about.

“The Courage to Be Disliked.”

Sounds a bit scary, right? But also powerful.

Tim:

Because choosing honesty over approval — that takes guts.

It’s not just courage, it’s a form of quiet success.

A victory over your own fear.

Ruby:

And we’re not talking about being rude or rebellious.

We’re talking about the kind of courage that says,

“I choose to be real — even if that means not everyone will like me.”

Tim:

So today, we’re going to break it down.

Where that fear of rejection really comes from,

Why it’s so hard to stop people-pleasing,

And how to start living from a place of truth — not fear.

Ruby:

If you’ve ever struggled with saying “yes” just to keep the peace,

Or felt afraid to speak up because you might disappoint someone —

This episode is for you.

Tim:

If you want to review today’s lesson and vocabulary for free, check the link in the description.

And don’t forget to like, comment, share, and subscribe. Your support really means a lot to us!

Let’s go.

Why Do We Care So Much About What Others Think?

Tim:

So Ruby, let’s dig into the big question today — why do we care so much about what people think?

Ruby:

Mm, I think the first reason is actually kind of surprising. It’s survival. Like, biologically.

Tim:

Wait, what do you mean by that?

Ruby:

Well, back in ancient times, being part of the group meant safety. If you got kicked out, you were in danger. Literally.

Tim:

Right, like being alone meant you might not survive the night.

Ruby:

Exactly. So our brains developed this “alarm system” that kicks in when we feel judged or left out.

Tim:

And even now, thousands of years later, that system still reacts… even when it’s just someone giving us a weird look in a meeting.

Ruby:

Haha, yep. Our brains still think, “Uh-oh. I might be rejected. This is dangerous!”

Tim:

That’s wild. I heard someone say once, “Being liked used to keep us alive — now, it just keeps us anxious.”

Ruby:

Oooh I love that quote. So true.

Tim:

Okay, so that’s the survival part. What’s the second reason?

Ruby:

Culture. Especially the way we live today. Everything is about achievement and image.

Tim:

And social media makes it even worse.

Ruby:

Right? We’re constantly seeing people’s best moments — their vacations, their wins, their perfect smiles.

Tim:

But we don’t see the stress, the bad days, the self-doubt.

Ruby:

Exactly. So we compare our messy real life to their highlight reel.

Tim:

That’s a losing game. Like someone said, “You’re comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel.”

Ruby:

Boom. That line should be framed on a wall.

Tim:

Haha totally. Okay, what’s next?

Ruby:

The third reason is where it gets really personal. It’s when we let other people define our self-worth.

Tim:

Oof. Been there.

Ruby:

Yeah. If someone praises you, you feel amazing. If they criticize you, suddenly you feel like trash.

Tim:

So you’re basically handing over the keys to your emotions.

Ruby:

Exactly. And that’s dangerous. Because people’s opinions? They change all the time.

Tim:

I love this quote: “If your self-worth depends on other people’s opinions, you’ll always feel bankrupt.”

Ruby:

That’s deep. And true.

Tim:

So to sum it up — we care what people think because of our biology, our culture, and our misplaced sense of self-worth.

Ruby:

Yep. It makes sense, but that doesn’t mean we’re stuck there forever.

Tim:

Right. Just because fear is natural doesn’t mean it should run the show.

Ruby:

Brené Brown says something I love: “Stories we tell ourselves shape who we are becoming.”

Tim:

Mm, I’ve heard that. So good.

Ruby:

And the thing is, we often tell ourselves stories from the past — like, “I was rejected once, so I’m not worthy now.”

Tim:

But those stories can be rewritten.

Ruby:

Exactly. You can choose a new narrative, starting today.

Tim:

Like instead of saying, “I’m not good at speaking up,” try, “I’m learning to speak up, little by little.”

Ruby:

It’s a shift — but it’s powerful.

Where Does the Fear of Being Disliked Come From?

Ruby:

So now that we know why we care what people think… let’s talk about something even deeper.

Tim:

Yeah, that quiet fear so many of us carry: the fear of not being liked.

Ruby:

Mm-hmm. And honestly, that fear usually doesn’t start in adulthood. It starts way earlier.

Tim:

Like childhood?

Ruby:

Exactly. Think about how we’re raised. We’re taught that being “a good kid” means being polite, quiet, agreeable.

Tim:

And when we do what adults expect, we get praise. Smiles. Love.

Ruby:

But when we challenge something, or act “difficult,” suddenly it’s like—uh-oh, you’re not being nice. You’re being a problem.

Tim:

That kind of teaches us: to be accepted, you need to be pleasing.

Ruby:

Yep. And even tiny moments stick. Like, remember a kid raising their hand in class and saying the wrong answer?

Tim:

The class laughs… and boom, that kid might never speak up again.

Ruby:

Exactly. It’s like the moment you feel rejected once, your brain goes: “Let’s not do that again.”

Tim:

But that fear builds up. And suddenly we’re adults who still act like we’re in that classroom.

Ruby:

We stay silent in meetings. We say “yes” when we want to say “no.” We perform instead of express.

Tim:

And here’s the twist — we think we’re seeking connection, but really, we’re just chasing approval.

Ruby:

Brené Brown has this beautiful line: “Fitting in is not the same as belonging.”

Tim:

Oof, that hits. So fitting in means changing yourself to be accepted. Belonging means being accepted as you are.

Ruby:

Exactly. And the problem is, when we’re always trying to fit in, we slowly forget who we actually are.

Tim:

So true. We hide the parts we think people won’t like — but then even if they do “like” us, it doesn’t feel real.

Ruby:

Because deep down, we know… they’re not seeing the real us. They’re seeing the version we performed.

Tim:

So this fear — of not being liked — it’s really about our longing to feel safe. To feel seen. To belong.

Ruby:

And that’s human. That’s okay. But it should never be the thing that controls how we live.

Tim:

Right. Wanting connection is natural — but shaping your whole identity around what others might approve of?

Ruby:

That’s exhausting. And it’s not freedom.

Tim:

So maybe the real question isn’t “How can I make people like me?”

It’s: “Can I like myself enough to stop needing their approval?”

Ruby:

Whew. That’s the shift. And it’s powerful.

When You Live to Be Liked, You Abandon Yourself

Tim:

So Ruby, here’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot. When we’re so focused on being liked… what are we actually giving up?

Ruby:

Mm, such a good question. I think what we’re really giving up… is ourselves.

Tim:

Exactly. There’s this guy I follow — Noah, he’s a content creator. Super talented. But he told this story that really stuck with me.

Ruby:

Oh yeah? What happened?

Tim:

He used to post these really creative, honest videos. But the moment he got a few negative comments — just a few — he panicked. He deleted them. Dozens of videos. Just gone.

Ruby:

Wow. That’s rough. But I get it. One rude comment can feel louder than a hundred kind ones.

Tim:

Totally. But later, Noah said something powerful. He said, “I realized I was letting strangers on the internet decide who I could be.”

Ruby:

That’s deep. And it’s so true for so many of us. We let someone’s reaction control our expression.

Tim:

Yeah. And the scary part is: the more you do that — the more you silence yourself to stay safe — the more you slowly disappear.

Ruby:

You stop saying what you really think. You stop creating what feels true. You shrink yourself so you can fit into someone else’s mold.

Tim:

And eventually… you look in the mirror and wonder, “Wait, who am I actually trying to be?”

Ruby:

Right. Because if your goal is just to avoid being disliked, then your life becomes a game of avoidance. Not authenticity.

Tim:

And here’s what hit me hardest — every time you choose silence over truth, just to avoid conflict or judgment… you’re not just avoiding discomfort. You’re betraying your voice.

Ruby:

Mhm. You’re saying, “My real self isn’t welcome here.” And that message? We repeat it to ourselves until we believe it.

Tim:

But the truth is, we can’t control what other people think. We never could.

Ruby:

All we can control is what we believe, what we stand for, and whether or not we’re brave enough to show up as that person.

Tim:

So yeah, you might be disliked. That’s part of the deal. But you’ll also be free.

Ruby:

And in that freedom, you’ll find real connection. Not the fake kind that’s based on performance — but the kind that sees you, fully.

Tim:

Mm. So next time we’re about to shrink ourselves to fit in… maybe we ask, “Is this the real me talking, or just my fear of being judged?”

Ruby:

Because your voice deserves more than silence. It deserves honesty.

Self-Doubt Doesn’t Come from Truth — It Comes from Comparison

Ruby:

You know Tim, I used to think that feeling “not good enough” meant there was something wrong with me.

Tim:

Yeah, same here. But over time I realized… that feeling doesn’t come from facts. It comes from comparison.

Ruby:

Exactly. I was talking to a friend, Olivia. She’s super smart, creative, hard-working… but constantly feels like she’s falling behind.

Tim:

Let me guess — social media?

Ruby:

Bingo. She told me, “Every time I scroll, it’s like everyone else is winning at life. And I’m just… stuck.”

Tim:

Mm, I hear that a lot. And it’s heartbreaking, because what we’re comparing is so unfair. We see their highlight reel, but we’re living in our behind-the-scenes.

Ruby:

Right. And Brené Brown put it perfectly: “Comparison kills creativity and joy.”

Tim:

That line hit me hard. Because when you compare, you stop seeing your own growth. You stop celebrating your timeline.

Ruby:

And you start chasing someone else’s life, instead of honoring your own.

Tim:

So true. I mean, what if we stopped asking, “Am I as good as them?” and started asking, “Am I growing from who I was yesterday?”

Ruby:

Yes! That’s the only honest comparison. You today versus you last week. You last year.

Tim:

And even if the progress is small — like speaking up once in a meeting, or hitting ‘post’ on something you’ve been scared to share — that counts.

Ruby:

More than counts. That’s courage in motion.

Tim:

So if you’ve been feeling not good enough… maybe pause and ask, “Whose story am I measuring myself against?”

Ruby:

Because your worth isn’t measured by likes, or titles, or how fast you reach the finish line.

Tim:

It’s measured by how true you’re being to yourself. Step by step.

Setting Boundaries – A Sign of Self-Respect

Tim:

Let’s be honest, Ruby. A lot of us feel guilty just thinking about setting boundaries.

Ruby:

Mm-hmm. Like if we say “no” or protect our time, we’re afraid people will see us as selfish or difficult.

Tim:

Exactly. But here’s the truth—boundaries aren’t walls. They’re bridges to healthier relationships.

Ruby:

I love that. It reminds me of my friend Sarah. She made a rule for herself: no checking work emails after 7PM. At first, her coworkers didn’t understand. But over time, they respected her even more.

Tim:

And more importantly, she respected herself.

Ruby:

Yes! Brené Brown puts it beautifully. She says: “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.”

Tim:

And that’s the part we forget. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you love others less—it means you’ve learned to love yourself enough.

Ruby:

So next time you hesitate to draw a line, remember—it’s not about rejection. It’s about protection. You’re not shutting people out. You’re showing up for yourself.

Tim:

Because when you honor your limits, you’re also teaching others how to honor you.

Perfection Is a Burden – Authenticity Is Power

Ruby:

Tim, have you ever stopped yourself from doing something just because it didn’t feel “perfect” yet?

Tim:

Oh, all the time. I used to think if it’s not flawless, then it’s not ready. But that mindset—it just leads to endless waiting.

Ruby:

Exactly. Perfection feels safe, but it actually holds us back. It disconnects us from real action… and from real connection.

Tim:

I once saw a TEDx talk where the speaker forgot their opening line. Just froze for a moment.

Ruby:

Oh no—what happened?

Tim:

They laughed nervously and said, “Well, that wasn’t the smooth start I imagined.” And the audience? They loved it. Everyone relaxed. It made the whole talk feel more human.

Ruby:

That’s the magic of authenticity. People don’t connect with your polish. They connect with your presence.

Tim:

Yes. And perfection doesn’t create trust. Vulnerability does.

Ruby:

You don’t have to be perfect to be powerful. You just have to be real.

Tim:

And when you let go of being impressive, you make room to be impactful.

7-Day Challenge: Live Your Values

Tim:

Alright Ruby, we’ve talked a lot about courage, authenticity, and setting boundaries… but what if our listeners want to take action today?

Ruby:

I’m so glad you asked. We’ve got a simple challenge for everyone — and it’s powerful. It’s called the “Live Your Values Challenge.”

Tim:

Here’s how it works: For the next 7 days, pick one personal value each day. Something that matters to you — like honesty, courage, patience, or kindness.

Ruby:

Then write down one small action you’ll take that day to live out that value. Just one.

Tim:

For example, if today’s value is “courage” — maybe you speak up in a meeting, even if your voice shakes.

Ruby:

Or if you choose “patience” — maybe you take a deep breath and respond calmly instead of reacting in frustration.

Tim:

The key is: don’t wait for a big moment. Create tiny moments that reflect who you are and what you stand for.

Ruby:

Because every time you live your values, you’re building a life that feels more like you.

Tim:

And the more you do that, the less power other people’s opinions have over you.

Ruby:

So grab a notebook, open your notes app — whatever works. Just start with one word, one intention, one action.

Tim:

Seven days. Seven values. Seven small, powerful shifts.

Highlight Vocabulary

Before we wrap up, let’s go over some key vocabulary from today’s episode.

Vocabulary	Meaning	For example
To fit in	Meaning: To try to blend in or be accepted by a group	For example: “He changed his style just to fit in with his coworkers.”
Belonging	Meaning: Feeling accepted and valued for who you truly are	For example: “Real belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are.”
People-pleasing	Meaning: The habit of saying yes to avoid conflict or rejection	For example: “Her people-pleasing made her feel invisible in meetings.”
Set boundaries	Meaning: To define what is acceptable or not in your relationships and time	For example: “It’s healthy to set boundaries with work to protect your energy.”
Self-worth	Meaning: The sense of your own value or worth as a person	For example: “Don’t let a bad comment shake your self-worth.”
Authenticity	Meaning: The quality of being genuine and true to yourself	For example: “People are drawn to authenticity more than perfection.”
Comparison trap	Meaning: The habit of measuring yourself against others in an unhealthy way	For example: “Scrolling through social media pulled her into the comparison trap.”
Vulnerability	Meaning: Willingness to be open, honest, and show emotions, even when it’s hard	For example: “Vulnerability is the birthplace of real connection.”
Courage	Meaning: The ability to do something brave even when you’re afraid	For example: “It took courage to finally speak up in front of her team.”
Live your values	Meaning: To act in a way that reflects what you truly believe and care about	For example: “He chose to live his values, even if it meant disappointing others.”

Tim:

Alright, before we say goodbye, we want to leave you with two reflection questions.

Ruby:

Yes — and we’d really love to hear your answers in the comments!

Tim:

Here’s the first one: What’s one thing you’ve done recently just to be liked — even though it didn’t feel right to you?

Ruby:

And second: If you could live by one value this week, what would it be — and why?

Tim:

Don’t worry, there’s no right or wrong answer. Just be honest with yourself. That’s where all change begins.

Ruby:

And hey, if today’s episode spoke to you in any way, please share it with a friend. You never know who needs to hear this today.

Tim:

Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe so you won’t miss any future episodes.

Ruby:

And if you want to review the lesson and check all the vocabulary again — it’s all waiting for you, for free, in the link in the description.

Tim:

Remember — you don’t have to be perfect to be powerful. You just have to be real.

Ruby:

Thank you for spending this time with us.

Tim:

See you in the next episode!

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